Sometimes it’s better to not say anything

One of my favorite advice columns is Miss Manners. I enjoy Judith Martin’s wit and style, and I’m fascinated by the questions people ask.

I’m especially intrigued by the “What should I say when …” type of question. We’ve all been in situations where we didn’t know what to say—situations that range from hearing bad news to being the target of a rude comment or question.

So what should you say when you don’t know what to say?

One response, of course, is to say nothing. That can sometimes be powerful and effective.

It’s better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

We’ve all heard some version of that maxim, which has been attributed to many sages over the years. Even King Solomon included it in the book of Proverbs.

Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent; with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent. (Proverbs 17:28, NLT)

Sometimes total silence doesn’t work, and you must speak. In that case, it’s fine to tell the truth and say, “I don’t know what to say.”

And then be quiet. Don’t feel like you have to fill the silence—that’s when you’re likely to say something you’ll regret. Let the other person talk and use that as a guide for what, if anything, you should say next.

Remember, honesty is the best policy (another maxim that’s been attributed to many). If you don’t know what to say, say so—and then be quiet.