The next time you’re in a situation where you’re not getting the performance out of a person that you need, try thanking them for doing what you want them to do – even if they haven’t done it yet.
Most people will respond by trying to earn the appreciation you expressed.
For example: You have an IT person on your staff who tends to be abrupt and doesn’t explain things clearly to others in your operation. It’s affecting morale and productivity because people aren’t getting the maximum benefit out of your technology systems.
Instead of telling her she needs to be more pleasant, avoid techno-speak, and be sure others understand her, thank her for being that way. Say, “Janet, I really appreciate you taking the time to make sure the customer service reps understand how to use all the features of the new tracking system. You talk to them in plain English, using terms they understand, and you treat them with respect. Thanks.”
You know that’s not what Janet is really doing. She may or may not realize that’s not what she’s doing. But you’ve paid her a compliment, and it’s human nature to respond to something nice that’s said about us by trying to be more of whatever that is.
It’s part of the law of reciprocity. You create a sense of obligation on the part of the person you thank or compliment to fulfill the expectation you’ve set. Janet is very likely to start demonstrating the behavior you just praised her for.
Here’s another example: You’re in a restaurant and the service is poor. You could complain to the manager, but that’s probably not going to get you much more than an apology.
Instead, try thanking the server for doing a good job. The service should improve—and if it does, you got what you needed. If it doesn’t, you aren’t really any worse off.
The key to making this work is sincerity. You have to mean what you say—if you’re at all sarcastic or insincere, the other person will sense it and the strategy will backfire. Visualize people doing what you want, tell them they’re doing a great job, and thank them. More often than not, they will work hard to earn your praise and appreciation.
Jacquelyn's latest book is Christian Business Almanac: The Ultimate Daily Guide for Kingdom-Driven Entrepreneurs and Leaders.
She is the author of the nonfiction books Simple Facts About Self-Publishing (Second Edition), Words to Work By: 31 devotions for the workplace based on the Book of Proverbs and Finding Joy in the Morning: You can make it through the night as well as the novel Choices (A Joyful Cup Story). With her husband, she is the co-creator of several coloring books for adults and the novelty My Book About series.
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