Four Words Can Open Up Communication or Shut It Down
Ask the magic question
Years ago, in one of my sales training sessions when I was working in the freight industry, I learned to never answer a question without knowing why it was asked.
Instead of immediately answering a question, we were taught to say a version of this: “That’s a good question. Why do you ask?”
Knowing why the prospect wanted the information helped us craft a more effective answer and often avoid introducing a negative into the conversation.
Consider this scenario:
“Do you have service to Boise, Idaho?”
“No, we don’t.”
Conversation stops.
But it could go like this:
“Do you have service to Boise, Idaho?”
“That’s an interesting question. Do you have freight going to Boise?”
“Yes, about 20 shipments a month.”
“We don’t go there directly but we can arrange to get it delivered through one of our partners.”
Or it could go like this:
“Do you have service to Boise, Idaho?”
“Good question. Do you have freight going to Boise?”
“No. My great aunt lives there and I was just talking with her. So I just wondered.”
“We don’t serve Boise directly. We do it through a partner. Has your great aunt lived there long?”
Finding out the reason behind the question lets you keep the conversation going on a positive note.
You can also use “Why do you ask?” to shut down a conversation.
If someone asks you a personal question you don’t want to answer, those four magic words can help you either end an exchange or redirect a conversation to a topic you’re more comfortable with.
For example:
“I heard you and your partner split up. What happened?”
“Why do you ask?” Said politely. (Instead of “None of your business.”)
If the person doesn’t have a valid reason for needing an answer, they’re likely to stammer a bit and change the subject without you saying anything else. You didn’t have to tell them they’re rude.
Of course, they might have a reason. Maybe they’re looking for a roommate or maybe they want to offer support.
Or, if they’re bold enough to say, “I’m just curious,” you can still say some variation of, “I’d rather not discuss it.”
Just because someone asks a question doesn’t mean you have to immediately answer it without more information.
Make those four magic words a regular part of your vocabulary and watch how much richer and more productive your conversations become.
Why do you ask?
Jacquelyn's latest book is Christian Business Almanac: The Ultimate Daily Guide for Kingdom-Driven Entrepreneurs and Leaders.
She is the author of the nonfiction books Simple Facts About Self-Publishing (Second Edition), Words to Work By: 31 devotions for the workplace based on the Book of Proverbs and Finding Joy in the Morning: You can make it through the night as well as the novel Choices (A Joyful Cup Story). With her husband, she is the co-creator of several coloring books for adults and the novelty My Book About series.
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